May: Are you caring for an aging parent, or have you cared for an aging parent in the past?

Nothing is more difficult than watching a parent slip away, bit by bit each day.  During our years as caregivers for Mom and Dad, Jim and I sometimes looked at each other and said, “It’s only going to get worse.”  That was one of the greatest difficulties.  We knew no matter how hard we tried or how many doctors we saw or how hard we prayed, the outlook for Mom and Dad’s health was not good.  Only gradually did we come to recognize the great spiritual gifts found in learning to live life in the moment, finding joy in the small blessings that invariably came in spite of the hardships.  

Recently, we found a wonderful website for caregivers.  If you need support, comfort or if it would just help to know others share your journey the website is www.fsjc.org

April: Have you been the parent of the bride or groom?

We are veterans of three weddings.  Both of our sons and one of our daughters have married.  Here is what we have learned so far. 

There is no such thing as a simple wedding.

In 1939 my mom and dad were married by a Justice of the Peace.  A couple of friends were present as witnesses and their honeymoon was a weekend in a nearby town.  That was pretty standard in those post-Depression days.  We read somewhere that the average cost of a wedding today is $20,000.  This happens to be more than 4 times the cost of my parent’s first house.  What are we to make of this?  

Everything costs a lot more now than it did when we were married. 

True, twenty grand today would probably have been $2000 in 1939.  We have found that it is best not to pass judgment on wedding costs – unless you are expected to foot the bill.  Fortunately, our children paid for much of their own weddings.  Our solution was to simply make a gift to them of the amount we were able to contribute and then allow them to spend it however they felt best. We didn’t feel we had to agree with everything, but we also felt we didn’t have to pay for a wedding beyond our means.  We learned to trust our sons and daughter with their own wedding plans. Often, we were surprised by their creativity and each wedding turned out to be lovely in its own way.

Are you a veteran parent of the bride or groom?  If so, what have you learned from your experience?

March: Loss of employment.

One Friday afternoon, without warning, an employee is called in for a meeting to “touch base” with his employer.  After a few brief sentences, the boss announces the worker’s services will “no longer be needed.”  The term “downsizing” or “going in a different direction” may be used.  The employee is told to clean out his desk (with his supervisor watching) and then he is escorted to his car.  The whole dehumanizing process takes less than 30 minutes.

This brutal approach is used without warning – though in retrospect- there are some things that may herald a dismissal.  Work loads may be increased without an increase in pay or work loads may stay the same while pay decreases.  The employee may be left out of meetings regarding his/her work.  Indirectly, there may be criticism of his/her work, but no one speaks directly to the employee.    

The irony is that this method of dismissal is often used on a generation whose work ethic goes above and beyond anything the company asks.  These workers don’t quit when things get tough because they are willing to make sacrifices for the good of the company. Of course, any mention of the older worker’s age will be omitted.  Legally, the company will be careful to cover all bases.  The worker will probably have no recourse and is never given anything beyond vague generalities for the dismissal.

Question:
How does faith make a difference in the life of someone who has experienced unfair dismissal in the workplace?